By Lori Chance
It is important to spend time with your Self, doing things you wouldn't do in front of others and imagining the possibilities of life without being influenced by outside forces. We all need time dedicated purely to our Selves; it is an integral part of being healthy, happy, and fulfilled.
Being Alone; Feeling Lonely
The first thing you need to realize is that spending time by yourself is not the same as feeling lonely. Loneliness has to do with how connected we are with our Selves. If we're not connected, we'll feel lonely whether we're by ourselves or with a group. When we're connected, we'll feel at peace whether we're by ourselves or with a group. It's not only important to make that distinction, it's vital that you understand being by yourself at any time is not a bad thing. There are lots of advantages to having the luxury of Self time; if you can appreciate them, you will be less likely to think of alone time as a negative.
Even the holidays, which we've all been led to believe simply must be spent surrounded by others, needn't be viewed as a penance of some sort! You always have a choice. You could spend the day volunteering to help others or you could spend it in quiet reflection with only your Self as company. But isn't it great that you have the choice?
Benefits of Alone Time
The modern world is fast-paced. With so much technology encroaching on every tiny little aspect of our lives, we are seldom allowed the luxury of taking the time necessary to think, to reflect, to respond, to feel. That's one of the benefits of alone time; it gives you those precious minutes or hours to examine your emotions. It allows you to get in touch with your true Self and figure out the why and how of things. It also provides time to think of different ways you might have reacted, words you could have said, things you could have chosen to do.
Your private thoughts are precious; they represent little snippets of your Self that are never shared with others. That gives them value and provides you with insights no one else will ever have. This alone time is often full of creativity and problem solving that occurs without fear of being found out.
Using Insight for Change
After you have spent some time alone, I want you to reflect back on it and notice if you were a different person than the one you allow others to see. Did you act in a different way when you took an out-of-town trip? Did you feel freer to do simple things that gave you pleasure? How did you feel at the end of your time alone? Was it a feeling of dread to return to your normal life?
Often what happens when you get in touch with your inner Self is that you become dissatisfied with your "normal" life and wish to regain the fun you had when no one was looking. The goal of alone time is not to escape life but rather to take away a better understanding of your core values and use that information to make normal life more fulfilling and more fun. Now is the time to use those insights into your Self and determine how you can incorporate that private you with the image you project to others.
Only you can take care of your Self; start now by booking some alone time - even if it's just 5 minutes to start with. You just might be amazed at how liberating and how insightful this time can be.
[I'm wondering if people really understand what "alone time" means... I know plenty of people who say they're taking time for themselves but fill that time with distractions so that they're never really present nor attentive. They can't seem to stop doing long enough to hear their own thoughts or feel their own feelings. You touched on some of that here, but what about going more into it in a follow up? What does it mean to really be present? What do you do when those unpleasant emotions come up - ya know, the ones you want to run from? (Ahh... choices!) Mostly though, it's not about getting something accomplished to check off the to-do list. One person can be gardening just to get it done while another could be doing the same thing but being full present with it. It's an internal game. Once learned, it can be one someone plays no matter where they are or what they're doing, but it's often easiest to learn outside of "normal" life first.]
It is important to spend time with your Self, doing things you wouldn't do in front of others and imagining the possibilities of life without being influenced by outside forces. We all need time dedicated purely to our Selves; it is an integral part of being healthy, happy, and fulfilled.
Being Alone; Feeling Lonely
The first thing you need to realize is that spending time by yourself is not the same as feeling lonely. Loneliness has to do with how connected we are with our Selves. If we're not connected, we'll feel lonely whether we're by ourselves or with a group. When we're connected, we'll feel at peace whether we're by ourselves or with a group. It's not only important to make that distinction, it's vital that you understand being by yourself at any time is not a bad thing. There are lots of advantages to having the luxury of Self time; if you can appreciate them, you will be less likely to think of alone time as a negative.
Even the holidays, which we've all been led to believe simply must be spent surrounded by others, needn't be viewed as a penance of some sort! You always have a choice. You could spend the day volunteering to help others or you could spend it in quiet reflection with only your Self as company. But isn't it great that you have the choice?
Benefits of Alone Time
The modern world is fast-paced. With so much technology encroaching on every tiny little aspect of our lives, we are seldom allowed the luxury of taking the time necessary to think, to reflect, to respond, to feel. That's one of the benefits of alone time; it gives you those precious minutes or hours to examine your emotions. It allows you to get in touch with your true Self and figure out the why and how of things. It also provides time to think of different ways you might have reacted, words you could have said, things you could have chosen to do.
Your private thoughts are precious; they represent little snippets of your Self that are never shared with others. That gives them value and provides you with insights no one else will ever have. This alone time is often full of creativity and problem solving that occurs without fear of being found out.
Using Insight for Change
After you have spent some time alone, I want you to reflect back on it and notice if you were a different person than the one you allow others to see. Did you act in a different way when you took an out-of-town trip? Did you feel freer to do simple things that gave you pleasure? How did you feel at the end of your time alone? Was it a feeling of dread to return to your normal life?
Often what happens when you get in touch with your inner Self is that you become dissatisfied with your "normal" life and wish to regain the fun you had when no one was looking. The goal of alone time is not to escape life but rather to take away a better understanding of your core values and use that information to make normal life more fulfilling and more fun. Now is the time to use those insights into your Self and determine how you can incorporate that private you with the image you project to others.
Only you can take care of your Self; start now by booking some alone time - even if it's just 5 minutes to start with. You just might be amazed at how liberating and how insightful this time can be.
[I'm wondering if people really understand what "alone time" means... I know plenty of people who say they're taking time for themselves but fill that time with distractions so that they're never really present nor attentive. They can't seem to stop doing long enough to hear their own thoughts or feel their own feelings. You touched on some of that here, but what about going more into it in a follow up? What does it mean to really be present? What do you do when those unpleasant emotions come up - ya know, the ones you want to run from? (Ahh... choices!) Mostly though, it's not about getting something accomplished to check off the to-do list. One person can be gardening just to get it done while another could be doing the same thing but being full present with it. It's an internal game. Once learned, it can be one someone plays no matter where they are or what they're doing, but it's often easiest to learn outside of "normal" life first.]
Lori Chance is a collaborative writer and editor specializing in how-to, informational, spiritual, and personal development articles and books. Her self-coaching book for women titled Who Am I? is now available through Amazon and her website. Learn more about answering this important question and receive the Top 5 Secrets to Successfully Change Your Life for FREE, by visiting her website and blog. You can also connect with Lori on Facebook.
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